Dating is Easy
by lizette antoinette
Summary: Kagami has a problem. The one besides his hamburger eating disorder. His best friend if going out with a guy. Kise has a solution - fighting fire with fire. Kuroko has involuntary voyeur tendencies. And Amine has his smirk. All things considered, dating for Kagami has never been easier. It's like riding a tricycle. On a rope. That hangs a hundred meters up in the air over a pit.
1. Chapter 1

**Pairings:** Kagami/Kise with Aomine/Kuroko on the side

**Warnings:** lots of swearing and flailing, and... you know, fur. (you'll see what I'm talking about)

**Disclaimer:** All of the characters and basketball setup are property of Fujimaki-sensei. I make no profit of off writing this, just my share of fujoshi feels.

**Description:** Kagami has a problem. The one besides his hamburger eating disorder. Namely, his best friend if going out with a guy. Kise has a solution. Namely, fighting fire with fire. Kuroko has involuntary voyeur tendencies. And Amine has that _smirk_. All things considered, dating for Kagami has never been easier. It's like riding a tricycle. On a rope. That hangs a hundred meters up in the air. Above a pit filled with needles and Lego pieces.

**Dating is Easy**

_-xoxoxo- _

There has always been something about Christmas that made a little boy inside Kagami start a feat of holiday excitement. However, recently this little childish bundle of cheer and joy was being rapidly overshadowed by increasingly common outbreaks of cynicism and irritation - towards blinking, shining, shimmering Christmas lights that turned all and any remotely tasteful, respectable street into a rainbow-colored glittering pit, towards a multitude of Christmas songs that come November - _fucking November_ - launched a full frontal attack of English-Japanese cheerful gibberish out of every shopping mall and coffee house of Tokyo, and last, but oh-so-not-least towards the whole army of elderly (and not so much) ladies that at the sight of holiday sales instantly turned into blood-eyed monsters smashing everything and (mostly)each other in their way.

One time Kagami was careless enough to share those kinds of emotion-soaked observations with Kuroko. Seirin's notorious Shadow measured Kagami up and down with a flat look and noted that 1) for someone who lived in _the States_ of all places that's way too vivid, and 2) rather than Christmas, it must be his hormones that are out of control, since Kagami, according to Kuroko's expertise, was obviously hitting late puberty. In return, Kagami put his fist through this newly found "Dr. Phill's" locker and in the future swore to keep his observations and his hormones to his pubescent self.

Oddly enough, this time smashing things did little to improve his foul mood. In fact, since recently it had been rapidly becoming something of a trademark for Kagami. And he couldn't quite put a finer on why that was. Everything was.. well, not exactly peachy, but _in order_, to say the least. Seirin got their championship, not all was apparently lost for Kiyoshi-senpai, even long-term foes somewhere along the way ceased being enemies and turned into rivals and - guardedly - even friends. So what gives? Kagami looked for the answer in the empty gym and on busy streets, but couldn't find it.

What he found instead, was Kise. A consolation prize of sorts.

Kagami was just starting on his fifth burger, watching a fat snowflake descend heavily on the fast-food window glass, when his ears were suddenly and cruelly assaulted by a high-pitched _"Kagamicchi!"._ A yellow flash darted through the busy burger joint, sidestepping stupefied customers like a true basketball pro.

"Fancy meeting you here," Kise gleefully winked at the room in general and threw himself into a seat opposite of Kagami. A well cared for hand darted out aiming for a corner meat bun.

Kagami hit it with a tray without remorse. He was a true ace of the winning team. That is to say, he hated consolation prizes. And this one was questionable at best.

"Stingy!" Kise whined, blowing on abused fingers, but got over it rather quickly. "So that's where Kagamicchi goes to store up on his daily protein supply. Gotta say though, man," Kise eyed the burger tower on Kagami's tray like it was a pile of bricks," Kurokocchi's tales don't do you justice. You really gonna eat that?"

"_All_ of it." Kagami gave Kise's still slightly twitching hand a warning look.

"So that's a definite 'no' to sharing then?" Kise sighed.

"I don't _share food_." Kagami said, appalled at the prospect.

The blond whined some more, turning a few heads in the process. Flashy and loudmouthed, he was nothing like the guy who usually appeared in front of Kagami as if out of thin air in that same seat. Kuroko's quiet presence after hellish workouts or a rush of another match was soothing and calming. Though Kagami would rather let Ni-go eat out of his mouth than admit to any of that. When was the last time they got to sit together like this?

"Kurokocchi, isn't coming?" Kise was reading his thoughts and it was positively freaking Kagami out.

"How should I know? I never ask him to tag along in the first place. He does that shit on his own."

"Cruel." Kise declared raising a finger. Then suddenly leaned over the table and asked in a dramatic whisper that could probably be heard on the other side of the counters. "Have you heard? They say Aominecchi confessed!"

That didn't make any sense, except... Except that it did.

Because Kagami _had_ heard.

In fact, it was all he'd been hearing about for the past week and a half.

Aomine confessed to Kuroko. Called him out to the stadium where they held the Winter Cup and confessed. His love, of course, not about the Winter Cup. What a joke!

Kagami could feel the irritation of the last days raise its head in him once again. "Not my problem," he retorted solemnly and stuffed a burger into his mouth in one bite.

For some unperceivable reason, Kise interpreted that as a sign to go on.

"Oh, oh, and apparently Kurokocchi said 'yes'. Can you believe it? I don't think Aominecchi could believe it himself. Gotta feel for the guy. But I guess it's to be expected. Even back in middle school everyone and their dog could see that Kuroko was all over his precious 'Aomine-kun'."

Kagami suppressed an uncertain urge to hear the details about the 'back in middle school' part with another hamburger. It was really non of his business whether Kuroko wanted to go out with someone. Or if that someone happened to be a boy. Who just happened to be the ace of their rivaling team. And the biggest pighead, if you ask Kagami.

"Don't care."

"Honestly though," Kise pressed on, "doesn't it bother you at all that they suddenly started dating? I heard Aominecchi sometimes goes over to you guys to wait for Kuroko to finish practice so they could go home together? Hey, have you ever seen them hold hands?.."

"Christ, Kise! Which part of 'don't care' sounded like 'tell me more'? You know what, you wanted a burger? Here, have one. On me." Kagami showed a soft bun into the Kise's gaping mouth before he could say anything else.

The blond coughed industriously, wiping a few very real tears off the corners of his eyes.

"That's just mean, Kagamicchi! And here I was worried about you."

"Who the hell asked you to? And I just gave you food for free, you dare complain?"

"It was still in a wrapper, you jerk!"

"Ungrateful twat."

Kise didn't stop grumbling, but still unwrapped, now slightly soaked with saliva, paper and looked thoughtfully at Kagami over the bread bun. "As I thought, you _are_ bothered," he reached his verdict.

"Want me to feed you another one?"

Of course he's fucking bothered. His close friend, that he'd been showering and changing right next to for the past year, turned out to be into men and started dating his other close friend all in the course of one fine afternoon. Since then Kagami had a questionable pleasure of running into the happy couple making out behind the equipment room and feeding each other honey lemons during the joined Seirin-Touou practice. And everybody seemed to be perfectly fucking okay with that!

Kise didn't cave. Kagami could see him intensely mulling something over and almost managed not to dread at the very thought of what might be going on inside the blond airy head. Then Kise got that provocative glint in his eyes that said _'I know exactly how to wipe the floor with your ass, buddy'_, and the feeling of dread settled comfortably in Kagami's throat.

Kagami squared his shoulders at it.

He's prepared for it. Whatever you've got, he's fucking ready for it. Bring it on!

"I know what we should do!" Kise hit him with a truly model-worthy smile. "We should try dating, the two of us!"

Kagami was instantly floored.

_-xoxoxo- _

Taiga threw back his head, trying to catch falling snowflakes with his mouth, like he used to when he was a kid. The nostalgia of the cold feeling against his tongue unexpectedly worked to calm him down. Five days before Christmas. A time like that will fly by in a flash. Fifteen minutes until his agreed-upon meeting with Kise - almost eternity.

Now Kagami understood that back in that ill-fated burger joint he was played like a rookie. But back then all he could do was to not fall of his chair.

Between his choking, swearing, blushing and just general flailing, Kise managed to continue, unfazed. According to the blond's twisted logic, it was mostly the novelty of it all, that took such a dramatic toll on Kagami's pure heart. Were he, namely Kagami, to get more closely acquainted with the concept of men and dating together, it would no longer come as such a shock. Thus enter Kise, the selfless sacrificial lamb.

"I'm willing to do this for you as a friend. No, as your friend, it's my _duty_ to do this! How are the four of us ever going to hang out together, if you're gonna jump at the mere sight of Kurokocchi? Or Aominecchi. And I'm not even talking about them together."

The fact that the last time the four of them 'hung out together' was... Was there even such a time?... To Kise that was apparently beyond the point.

"Just think about what it does to Kurokocchi knowing that his easily _best_ friend and basket partner is a homophobe. It's hurting him."

"But I'm not homo-anything," Kagami protested meekly. "And how come _we_ have to..."

"See? You're already calling him a 'homo'. That's hurtful, you know. And also rude."

"I wasn't..."

"It's decided then. We're meeting on, let's see,.. Wednesday. I think, I have the afternoon off." Kise suddenly looked bemused. "Either that, or I'm kissing you right here, right now."

"The fuck?!"

"French style."

It must've been a case of brain overload. Or maybe Kagami, having finished stuffing his face, entered an almost drunken-like state of a digesting process that left him with not enough willpower to actually give a shit.

His opponent also felt him retreat and went in for the kill.

"Come on, it's not like I'll jump you, Kagamicchi. We'll have fun, I won't show you a bad time. And I'll even take you to that steak place, you couldn't get in last time - I know the owner. My treat," the blond hammered in the last nail on the coffin of Kagami's protests.

"Hell, what's the worst that could happen?"

Kagami was given no time to write down the list.

Now it was finally Wednesday. Morning. And a lifetime too late for Kagami to realize that he didn't actually have to show up. After all, it wasn't like Kise would hunt him down, or break up with him, for that matter. They weren't actually dating! That was one thing Kagami had to constantly remind himself of just to stay afloat on the surface of sanity. It was the same as it had always been. _The same!_ Two friends just casually hanging out, maybe shooting some hoops, maybe grabbing a bite. And yet, being, as he was, frankly speaking a novice in the dating department in general (men or no men), everything seemed different somehow. Catching fleeting glimpses of passer-bys on himself as he was waiting in front of the station, it seemed as if they were already in on his secret. Kagami could almost _feel_ them watching him. Judging him. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

At some point two school girls strolled by, then stopped a few meters away, bringing their faces together to whisper. For a moment their nearly identical dark coats and thigh-highs turned them into one formless creature with two whispering and sniggering heads. Kagami could swear he heard a joined "homo" roll down their unnaturally pink lips.

That did the trick. Kagami turned around promptly making his escape. Either he's getting his ass out of here, like _right now_, or his brain will rot from paranoia.

"Kise can suck it!" he mumbled under his breath.

And that's when Kise made his appearance.

Actually, Kagami didn't see him right away. First he heard a pig-tailed head of the two-headed creature squeal. Kagami followed her gaze and.. right there and then wished to all the kami and bodhisattva he could remember that the concrete under him would please, _oh please!_ simply crack open and swallow him whole.

No such luck. Instead, Kagami kept gaping at the creature that was undoubtedly Kise. The creature was wearing more fur and leather than the poor animals that they originally belonged to. The dark sunglasses (on a cloudy fucking winter day!) and massive cowboy boots completed the outfit.

"So?" Kise nodded the blond head - thankfully his own - in a greeting. "What'd ya say?"

What _could_ he say?

"I thought I'd dress up a bit, since it's the first date with Kagamicchi and all."

Oh. So that's... _for him_?

"I hope the creature died a painless death," was all Kagami could master.

"How mean! This is a fake. I'm against animal torture, you know."

"Just pro-my torture then." Kagami grumbled.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Let's just go." The last thing he needed over here was for some celebrity-starved tourists to start taking pictures.

Kagami dragged his furry date a couple of blocks, choosing the narrowest, emptiest streets possible, before he got over his burning embarrassment enough to notice that the blond was rather disheartened. Now that didn't quite amount to a pang of guilt, but still. Thinking rationally, it was a bit of a stretch, to expect Kise to dress up like a human being even on a normal occasion. And here he was actually trying for Kagami. That was almost heartwarming. Almost.

"The glasses have to go," announced Kagami decisively, for a bazillion's time tugging Kise away from a lamppost in his path.

"Yeah, I know."

_-tbc-_

**A/N:** This was submitted as a KnB Secret Santa gift for littlereddo. It turned out to be over 7,000 words long, so I'm splitting it here into 3 parts, but they have all already been written and are ready to go, so no unexpected hold ups here. I will post one each following day. Happy holidays, you crazy yaoi lot!


	2. Chapter 2

**Warnings:** more swearing, Kise showing off his wooing prowess, Aomine's smirk

**Disclaimer:** KnB with all its guys belongs to Fujimaki Tadatoshi.

_-xoxoxo- _

It actually wasn't as shoot-me-in-the-head, I-want-to-kill-myself terrifyingly awful as Kagami thought it would be. Kise took them to an amusement park (who the hell knew those were open in winter?) and after the 'mental patient in a rock star disguise' outfit was reduced to an acceptable level in the nearest public restroom, they actually had quite a blast.

Kise turned out to be right - this date didn't feel like Kagami was forced to do anything he didn't want to. Heck, the date didn't even feel like a date, safe for that one time Kagami nearly fainted when Kise very subtly held his hand while waiting in line for the next ride.

A couple of rides and a gut-twisting rollercoaster later Kagami finally managed to swallow a panicky lump in his throat and was able to breathe normally again. So all in all, it was a success. Probably. All things considered. Kagami was ready to keep considering and reconsidering some more, but his rumbling stomach ceased all of the brainwork. Again Kise didn't lie. He really did take him to that steakhouse, the mere mention of which had Kagami drooling all over himself.

The alleged owner slash friend, Paolo or something, exploded in broken Japanese, praising Kise and the new winter collection (again, or something), while watching the blond's ass with such eyes that Kagami had reserved purely for a steak itself, or for one of those magazines, he kept securely stuffed under the bed. Kise in turn smiled brightly and innocently, and ordered the most expensive thing off the menu. On the house.

"What?" he grinned up at Kagami, while cutting himself a very elegant bite of medium-rare premium beef.

"Nothing. Actually, did you...Nah." Kagami wasn't sure how to broach the subject. "Did you notice how that guy, I meant the owner, how he..."

"Stares?" Kise huffed. "Yeah. Can't really blame the guy. He's into young Asian boys kinda stuff."

"I'd crush his balls if he looked at me like that."

"Heh, I have bad news for you, my friend. See, you say that, but you let me take you out on a date and my balls are still alive and dandy. Uncrushed."

"That's!.."

"You can look, but you can't touch - that's my motto. A model's curse, and all that. And did you notice we got all this on the house?" Kise's expression suddenly turns all conspiratorial. "Hey, Kagamicchi, maybe we should try out some _stuff_. Give them all a bit of an eye candy. This _is_ a date after all."

"O..Over my fucking dead body!" Kagami struggled not to inhale a generous chunk of meat into the wrong pipe, while trying to simultaneously kick the blond under the table. Kise watched him for a moment, openly enjoying himself. Then suddenly threw back his head in a fit of slightly maniacal laughter.

He seemed to wreak havoc wherever he went, all thanks to that batshit sparkly personality of his. Well, maybe not _all_ thanks - in some corners of his overly annoyed soul Kagami would have to grudgingly - very grudgingly - admit that Kaijo's model-turned basketball ace was indeed very easy on the eyes. So at least one out of two heads that often turned after the blond, did so just to catch a glimpse of the long (way too long for a guy) eyelashes and heartwarming dark puppy eyes. Maybe. Maybe not. Who the hell knows?! Kagami's not an expert.

Tumbling over his own train of thoughts, Kagami came back to reality only to realize that Kise had gone quiet. Mutilating the straw of now empty strawberry milkshake (Who would order that with a steak?!), he was now looking at Kagami with those same puppy eyes that have somehow managed to widen to at least twice their size.

"What?.." Kagami barked, suspicious.

"Nothing. Nothing, it's just..." Kise waved his hand in front of Kagami's face like he was trying to dissolve his worries into thin air.

"You're _staring_." He finished a bit sheepishly.

_Holly fuck!_

"I... I wasn't!" Kagami protested, choking in turn on his own drink. The blond on the other hand seemed to have already regained his composure.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, really. I'm used to the attention."

"Kise, I swear to God, if you don't shut up right now!.."

"Heh," Kise flashed him a wicked grin. "You're not very good at this, are you, Kagamicchi?"

"At this what?"

"Wooing." Kise declared without batting an eyelash. "No wonder you have a problem with anything remotely romance related."

Kagami flailed.

"Where the hell do you even get this stuff?"

"From girls. Mostly. Sometimes from guys," Kise explained vaguely. "Here, I'll show you. But you gotta relax, you're way too tense, Kagamicchi. And don't chicken out - there isn't really a wrong move. Unless you opt for sticking your hands into someone's pants without a proper 'hello'. Oh, you got something right here, let me get that."

Kagami was still stomaching the 'hands in someone pants' remark, when Kise brushed his finger against his lips, indicating 'something right here' and promptly reached for Kagami's own mouth, all in one smooth move. Next thing Kagami knew, warm skin brushed fondly against his lower lip and retreated as swiftly as it had appeared. Kise with unwavering, absolutely mischievous smirk popped a retrieved breadcrumb into his mouth. "Yum!"

"What the hell?!.. Are you?.. Did you just?!" Words failed him.

Kise looked like a well-fed satisfied cat.

"See, this is how it's done." He said, still grinning.

As if everybody wasn't already staring at them (You bet your ass they were! A couple of ordinary high schoolers in a fancy-pansy restaurant. Well, one _ordinary_ high schooler anyway.) Kagami could now feel - almost physically feel - his back burn with intense, disapproving, scandalized glares.

"Fucking hell, Kise!" he breathed out.

Kise to his credit (and Kagami's absolute dismay) didn't even blink. "There's of course a lot more than just one way," he continued in a tone Seirin's biology teacher used to list all the bones and tissues in human body. "You can go for something more subtle, like 'accidentally' brushing your fingers against..."

Kagami made a run for it.

It was a total betrayal and cowardice, but if Kise started to brush his fingers against anything connected to Kagami's body while Paolo and the rest of the crew and guests 'looked but didn't touch', Kagami was ready to swear on his life those brushed limbs would fall off his body right there and then.

"You're pretty cute when you're freaked out, you know that Kagamicchi?" Kise caught up to him outside, sending a non-committal airy kiss to the dark-haired Latino in the window.

"Give me a break," Kagami was ready to beg. "I'll be docile." He was also primed to give promises he wasn't going to keep.

Kise, who had earlier fallen in step beside him, suddenly blocked his path, stepping into Kagami's personal space . "It's alright, I did promise not to show your virgin heart a bad time after all. And," he added, looking up at Kagami with those absurdly huge, begging eyes of his, "I never wanted you docile, Kagamicchi."

Kagami felt something inside of him twist itself into a hangman's knot, wither and die. Could've been his brain. Be that the case, he had no capacity left to assess the damage, really. Or the situation. Or the people around them (count the steakhouse lot in) giving them some very odd looks. Or Kise biting his lips millimeters away from his own.

"Can I go home now?" Somehow, maybe, if you wish upon a star...

"Did you honestly think I was just gonna feed you and set you free?" Kise raised an eyebrow at him. "That's called freeloading, man. You got it confused with dating."

Right. Because dating is when you are humiliated and potentially molested in public.

"Com'on, the next stop is shopping." Kise grabbed his sleeve decisively and was back to dragging Kagami behind him like a rag doll.

Surprisingly, Kagami let him. He simply didn't have the strength left to protest. Not when Kise was fully back into his 'cheerful power up' mode. The guy's energy levels were seriously amazing. Somehow Kise managed to drag, point, grin and still find his way around the block, all the while chatting away for the both of them without ever stopping for a breath. He was also, it suddenly occurred to Kagami, apparently an overachiever, seeing as how he managed to fit three normal human dates' worth of activities into a single day. And that's while Kagami himself thought it a chore to even open his mouth. Maybe the blond was taking the energy _from_ him, like some kind of life force-sucking vampire. But at least he wasn't in Kagami's face anymore. With every next centimeter of air separating them Kagami could feel the vacuum of panic around his head lift just a bit more, making it easier to breathe... and function.

Kagami did feel another pang of dread once he saw the neat piles and racks of shirts and slacks and coats, and realized just _who_ he had come shopping with, but Kise was on his best behavior. It turned out, as long as Kagami managed to keep Kise at an appropriate distance from anything fur-infused, sparkly, or stuff that looked like it didn't belong in the realm of mere mortals, the blond had actually a pretty good taste. And once they ended up in the sportswear section... well, let's just say, Kagami felt alive again. They tried on stuff none of them could afford. They fooled around with a basket ball that was no longer a part on an elaborate decoration. They went all serious in front of the staff and when they turned around Kise would make faces behind their backs. Kise did. Not Kagami. Kagami isn't a kid anymore. Whatever Kuroko might have to say about that.

It was just snippets of a conversation. That's all it was at first. A few words have suddenly drifted into Kagami's hearing range, separating themselves from the usual 'shopping mall during rush hours' mix. Before Kagami could realize what exactly had caught his attention, a calm expressionless voice appeared again.

"... the Christmas gifts... a scarf, maybe... Senpai...", some indistinguishable mumbo-jumbo, "before... Aomine-kun...", then "senpai" again. Stop!

Go back a second.

Aomine-kun? Aomine!

Kagami dropped a ten thousand yen shoe, twisting around.

The two distinctly blue-haired guys had just walked in and were now checking out the place, looking very cozy together. The hope that the voice Kagami had heard did not belong to Kuroko was mercilessly crushed.

"Kagamicchi, hey, d'you think I should get this in blue, or..."

Before he could hear Kise list all the colors of the rainbow, Kagami grabbed the blond and threw him into the nearest fitting room, getting in behind him and closing the curtain. He slammed a hand over Kise's mouth before the other boy could explode with accusations.

_"Uof uh woo woing?!"_ Kise 'mooed' into his palm, scandalized.

"Sorry! Just... don't yell, okay?"

He could feel the rumbling of Kise's voice in his hand as the blond mouthed an "uhmn...". It could've mean anything really. Kagami took it as a 'yes'.

"What the hell're you doing?!" The blond whispered regaining control of his speech.

A valid question. What _was_ he doing?

"Sorry, I saw Kuroko..."

"So?"

Kagami moved to explain and realized that he didn't know how to. It had made perfect sense when he acted on instinct, he remembered that. But he forgot why.

"Look,.. I'm sorry, man. I know it's a dumb plan."

"Okay, first of all, it's not a _plan_." Kise gesticulated profusely, realized he was still holding a bundle of jogging slacks, dropped them and continued with the outrage.

Kagami resisted an urge to use his hand again. "Just shut up for a sec, okay? He was there with _Aomine_. I panicked, alright? They could see us and think we were..."

"What? _Shopping_? 'Cause that's prohibited for guys from your crazy planet?"

"No..." Kagami mumbled feeling more and more like a donkey with five legs. "They could think we were.. together. Like, you know, _on a date_."

"Yeah? And what are they gonna think now, when they see us coming out of the same changing room, together?"

"That's..." Funny how he never got around to think about that.

"They're gonna think that you're screaming like a bunch of sissies that you are."

The life-saving curtain flew open. Aomine folded his arms on his chest, looking the duo up and down with a smirk. Kuroko was right behind him, wearing his usual poker face. "Hello." He nodded a greeting.

There had been moments in his life, occasional moments, when Kagami had wished he could see himself from someone else's perspective, like when they won the championship, or during a particularly awesome dunk.

This wasn't one of those moments.

Unfortunately, it was a tiny changing room with a huge mirror in it. With his back turned to them, Kagami could easily see Aomine and Kuroko watch him press Kise into a wall, a forgotten pair of faded pink pants still sandwiched between them. Which was kinda cool if you stop to think about it. Except, stopping to think about stuff wasn't his strongest feature these days.

"It's not what you think!" Kagami blurted out, mortified. "We weren't doing anything."

"Yeah, we've pretty much heard all about what you think we think you're doing." Aomine's smirk grew even wider. It now had a distinct predatory quality to it.

There was a discreet coughing next to Kagami's ear. Kise managed to look ready to explode with laughter and moderately embarrassed at the same time. "Let go?"

_Jesus, he was still glued to the guy!_

Kagami released the blond like he was made of melting copper. What to do next, he couldn't fathom. It was Kuroko who saved the day .

"Let's talk somewhere else." He offered and turned around, unreadable like a dozen of bricks. Kagami with his ill-fated 'date' dragged their feet behind him.

"Sorry 'bout that," Kise clasped his hands together, looking sheepish. "Guess they heard me, huh?"

"Nooo! That wasn't a _soundproof_ curtain?"

"Lay off. I wasn't the guy with the plan."

_-tbc-_

**A/N:** Updated the next day just as promised. See, I told you I'd be good. Next chapter will finally have some steamy action, what with upcoming New Year's celebrations and all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings:** not (too) safe for work, plus the usual swearing

**Disclaimer:** it's chapter 3 and KnB with its characters still belongs to Fujimaki-sensei

_-xoxoxo- _

Kagami didn't remember how they exactly they ended up on a double date. He vaguely remembered Kuroko just going and asking point blank if he was a homo. And the following absurd discussion on whether it should be 'homo', 'homosexual', or 'gay'. He _distinctly_ remembered struggling to explain how Kise had said it would be just for practice and the little betraying shit going, "I said no such thing. I believe my exact words were: "we should try dating, the two of us". After that the sequence of events stopped making sense. Somewhere along the way Kuroko suggested they make it a double date and the universe seemed to agree it was a brilliant fucking idea.

So to recap: one of these days he was having a burger, then he was having a date with Kise, and now he was - _no shit!_ - on a real life double date with two miracles and a shadow. On a Farris. Fucking. Wheel.

What's next? An orgy with the whole former Teiko team? Kagami might as well let them take turns.

"Well, that was fun!" Kise stretched like a cat, jumping out of the small glass cabin and back onto the firm ground." Kagamicchi, you don't look too good. You okay?"

Kagami slowly lifted his eyes at him. "Peachy."

The foul mood, the vexation that had followed him for the last couple of days was back with now doubled force. Kagami could feel it boil inside of him like a rotting stew. He was somewhat surprised to discover, that fact also meant that the feeling had been temporarily driven out in the first place, but was in no mood for celebration. All of his remaining energy was being used on trying not to bite the people who, he had to keep reminding himself of that, were actually friends.

Watching Kuroko hold hands and brush up casually against Aomine was hard enough as it was, but to have Kise hang off of his own arm, looking all competitive...

To make it home without exploding and doing something he would regret. That the goal of the evening. Evening? Had he really been keeping this up for the whole day? Kagami felt exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Exhausted. He was going home. He was getting into the shower and then he was getting into bed. No alarms. He's sleeping this dating thing off for the next day. Or better yet, for a year.

"If we hurry up, we can still catch a movie. Kurokocchi, what was that thing you wanted to see?"

No.

Just, _no_.

No way in hell! Kagami thought and suddenly realized he was saying it out loud. Next to him Kise trailed off abruptly, surprised. Was he yelling or whispering? Did it matter?

"No," Kagami repeated as calmly as he was capable of. "Enough! For fuck's sake, haven't you had enough? You've had your fun. I get it! The joke's on me."

"Kagami-kun? But dating is _supposed_ to be fun..."

"It's not a fucking date!" Yelling. Definitely.

"You!" He stuck his finger in Kise's alarmed pretty face. "You said it was just for practice. It was supposed to help me,.. help... That doesn't even make any sense! Anyway, it's not a date, alright? I'm _not_ a fucking homo! This is just make-belief. Got it?"

Before Kagami could make sure if they did or not, Kuroko walked over to him and calmly kicked him in the shin.

Whatever other words he was going to say got stuck on the way out. Kagami bended in half, wheezing, struggling to catch his breath. His head was a fuzzy, mushy mess.

"Wow, the guy really lost it." Aomine was watching him like he was a curious breed of Chihuahua.

Kise was quiet.

From where he was, Kagami could see his lower half turning away and walking off. "I got it. Excuse me a minute." It sounded upset.

"Nice work," Kuroko offered his input.

"You bastard, you actually kicked me!"

"I should have kicked you harder. After you went and yelled at Kise-kun."

"You don't get it! I just told the truth. That guy was..."

"No. _You_ don't get it. Go and apologize!"

Kagami stubbornly squared his shoulders.

"No way in hell!" Why did _he_ have to?

A few minutes later he was in the nearby men's restroom to retrieve a certain runaway blond - his jaw now sporting an impressive bruise. Kuroko didn't look like much, but _damn_, that guy knew how to hit! (Kagami always managed to forget that, lulled into a false sense of security by his small size.)

Kise was easily spotted staring at the running water with his back to Kagami.

Okay, he might've gone a bit too far earlier, judging by the blond's slumped shoulders.

"Hey..." Kagami started, but trailed off. He was _so_ not good at apologizing. Actually, there wasn't much besides basketball that he was good at.

"Hey,..uhm, sorry about earlier. The whole thing kinda... got away from me. My bad."

Still no reaction. Except, perhaps, Kise's shoulders now started to tremble a bit.

Kagami narrowed his eyes with a sudden realization.

"Oh hell, you're not _crying_, are you?"

That did the trick.

"Fuck you!" Kise spun around, grabbing Kagami by the collar. There was no tears in his eyes. Just plenty of fury. "You're a fucking dumbass! An idiot with a potato for a brain! After all this you still haven't got a fucking clue, have you?"

"You people keep saying that. I don't get..."

Okay.

Never mind.

He got it this time. All by himself too.

That is to say, Kise's tongue down his throat was pretty much self-explanatory.

...It felt like Kagami was on that Ferris Wheel again. Only this time it was spinning three hundred times faster an in every possible direction.

At some point he was skillfully maneuvered, so that they were sandwiched with Kise's back to the wall. The other boy was grabbing at him, bringing them closer, deeper. Before letting go just as forcefully.

"How's that for make-belief?" he hissed into Kagami's now swollen mouth.

_Oh, Kise._

"Believable." Kagami said hoarsely.

Because what else could he say?

Kise's eyes were gleaming and unfocused. Framed by curled up, long eyelashes. They were slowly drawing closer and closer until Kagami couldn't take it anymore, closing the rest of the distance himself.

Kise leaned into him with his whole body, his hands now tugging at Kagami's hair instead of his coat. An open-mouth kiss was caressing Kagami's tongue and lips. But not demanding control - offering it.

_'I never wanted you docile, Kagamicchi.'_

Yeah, now he got that too.

Kagami pulled Kise sharply away from the hard surface and into his arms. This was all child's play. And they were pubescent teenagers according to some expert opinion. They needed more. Like Kise's lean body lined up against his with not a millimeter between them to spare. Like his own hands sliding over the blond's body - hugging, caressing, fondling.

Kagami bit down on Kise's lip and jerked their hips together, following a growing urge he didn't fully comprehend.

Indecent? Forbidden? With another boy?

Who cared about any of this when they could feel each other _like_ _this_?

Rubbing against each other through the rough material of their pants. Feeling the other _respond_ to the maddening touch.

"Kagamicchi... Kagamicchi!"

"Shut up!" Kagami covered the begging mouth with his own. Fuck! If Kise were to keep moaning with _that_ voice, Kagami would embarrass himself in three seconds.

It was as if someone had ripped off the lid on Kagami's sanity and emptied out the contents.

The sound of Kise's broken voice vibrated on Kagami's lips. More. There was so much more left to kiss. To _taste_. Kise's neck, his jaw line, his burning cheekbones...

When he caught a person's figure standing next to them with his peripheral vision, Kagami almost had a heart attack.

Kise caught on an instant later, both of them freezing simultaneously, both of them with ragged breaths and hearts hammering in their throats.

"Let me guess. It's not what I think? You weren't doing anything?" Kuroko didn't even _try_ to avert his eyes.

It was Kagami who couldn't look at him instead. "How long..." he coughed out.

"...Have I been here? Let's just say, long enough. This _is_ a public restroom, you know."

It was?

Gods! How long have _they_ been here?

Kagami was struggling to gather what was still left of his scattered wits, but Kise collected himself faster. Sliding out of their embrace like he was made of liquid, the blond fixed his jacket and grabbed Kuroko's arm.

"Let me show you where the door is, Kurokocchi," he offered his services, dragging him away.

Left to his own devices Kagami slumped against the wall and slowly let the gravity and steadily mounting exhaustion pull him down to the floor. His body was still vibrating from the recent strenuous activities. The awoken and not entirely spent desire was still there, circling through him, but not burning him from the inside anymore, just teasing. Kagami looked down at his hands - they were shaking.

_Just what in holly fuck's name had they been doing?!.._

He didn't know how long he sat there for.

_-xoxoxo-_

They didn't get a chance to properly say anything to each other after that. Something, Kagami realized, wasn't fair or right, but was incredibly grateful for it anyway. His mind frantically groped for anything 'proper' and came back empty-handed. Screw proper, he didn't know _words_ anymore. They did manage a few goodbyes in front of the now infamous train station. But the awkwardness was sipping through every _'so, I'll call you'_, and _'yeah, see you later... thanks!.. I mean, yeah'_.

Kuroko finally put them out of their misery by taking official charge of getting 'Kagami-kun' safely home.

Yeah, right! Like there was something else left that he hadn't been subjected to already.

Kagami didn't protest.

They walked quietly for some time, with Kuroko paying just about as much attention to him as he would if Kagami was, say, a horse fly.

Kagami on the other hand felt an inexplicable, dreadful, but steadily growing urge to explain himself, and of course zero clue of how to go about it.

"Kuroko, listen, uhm.. back in the bathroom," he started not so subtly. If you don't know how to go about it, say it point blank. "..Hell, I don't know!" Yeah, that will clear things up. Way to go!

Kuroko awarded him a sideways glance.

"You are not very smart, are you Kagami-kun?"

"The hell?" Kagami started, but then promptly stopped himself. Aw, who the hell is he kidding!

Kuroko just waved his hand, cutting off the outrage with a sigh.

For a moment Kagami thought that was it. But then the other boy suddenly stopped in the middle of the street and simply said: "It wasn't Aomine-kun, who confessed to me, you know. I asked _him_ out."

"Huh?" That wasn't at all what Kagami was expecting to hear. In so many ways.

"He would've done it himself of course, eventually, he just wasn't primed for it yet." Kuroko continued, ignoring Kagami's confusion. "So I did it myself... I did it, because Kise-kun asked me to."

Kise asked him? To what,.. confess?

"Why?.."

Kuroko lifted his face and looked Kagami in the eyes. He had his slightly mischievous look on. (Which, unless you knew him like Kagami did, looked like every other poker face devoid of emotion.)

"Hmm... I should think, to set a good example. Since you weren't getting any other of his signs."

Oh.

...

_Oooh!_

"Shut up!" Kuroko intersected just as Kagami opened his mouth. "You are not going to say anything smart anyway. So just let it sink in for a little while."

"Wait! Does that..."

"What did I just say?"

"But!.. Does it.."

"Yes, Bakagami. It does. Now shush."

"Pushy brat!"

Both of them.

They walked the rest of the way in silence on demand. Side by side. Kuroko lifted up his face, offering it to the evening breeze. Kagami's mind was blank. His head heavy and feeling overstuffed, like it couldn't fit another thought.

The phone in his back pocket vibrated against his butt just as they turned the last corner. And to think he was so close to making it home! Undisturbed.

Kagami popped the screen open and stared blankly at the enormous amount of emoji that made it a challenge to find the actual message. The text itself, once found, read short: _"Let's go to the movies next time."_ For some reason it made Kagami want to throw his phone against a brick fence. Instead he settled for punching in: _"Fuck your movies!"_ and got a string of blushing faces in return.

That was unusual.

Kagami re-read his own message and paled. Instead of an intended snappy come back, what stared back at him was, _"Fuck you in movies"_.

Autocorrect.

_Oh. Dear. God!_

"Are you okay?" Kuroko tried to peer over his elbow.

Kagami pondered that for a moment. There was a _small_ bit of inability to process just what the hell had been done to him, a _considerable_ bit of embarrassment and a _huge_ chunk of confusion. SO they were what,.. a couple now? And what about that bit with Kise going around arranging confessions and setting up dates?

"Exhausted." He offered the final verdict.

Who the hell said that dating was easy? That it's all unicorn rainbows and sheer fucking joy?! For Kagami it seemed more like teaching rocket science while riding a tricycle. On a rope. That hangs a hundred meters up in the air. Above a pit filled with needles and Lego pieces.

Kagami decisively shoved his phone back.

He's not sharing _those_ emotion-socked observations with anyone.

"It will get easier." Kuroko gives him a small but very knowing smile.

Kagami couldn't even begin to explain to him all of the reasons why that couldn't be true.

_-fin-_

**A/N:** That's all I've got. Having blissfully forgotten I was supposed to do something for Secret Santa, I had to write this on a very short notice, so I kind of freaked. Maybe that's why my style suddenly reversed itself to past tense writing. So this is a bit out of character for me, but I did my best. Comments, positive or otherwise, are treasured and much appreciated.


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